Good Housekeeping

I’m here today to discuss everyone’s favourite dinner table topic — the toilet! Yes, here in Cameroon we have several lovely toilet options, for both in- and outdoors. 

First up, we have: 

• The Flush Toilet. Whoa there, Posh Corps. Let’s be real, nobody has a flush toilet in their homes. But be sure to enjoy this amenity when visiting the Peace Corps case in the regional capitol. For additional luxury amenities found in the Ngaoundere case, see: running water; electricity; wifi; refrigerator/freezer; printer; and beds with real sheets. 

Next, we have the ever popular: 

• Bucket Flush Toilet. Found in some of our up-and-coming PCV homes; or, occasionally, in the Ngaoundere case when the power is out. With the bucket flush toilet you have the convenience of having an actual toilet to sit on (as opposed to the latrine — see below); however, you are responsible for procuring your own water to flush with. What, did you think the toilet was just going to flush itself? This may not seem like much, but those 1-2 buckets of water could be a week’s worth of laundry, 2-4 bucket baths, or 2 days of dishwashing water, so choose carefully. This can be tough when the nearest water pump is a half mile away (or, let’s be real, even if it’s 100 meters away); but what are neighbourhood children for if not for fetching water for you? This can add up over time, but if you’re thrifty and don’t mind the smell, flushing once a day is a more than satisfactory way to conserve water, CFA, and/or manual labour. 

And now we arrive at our final option,

• The latrine. By far the easiest to maintain, the latrine doesn’t require any water at all (if you’ve got decent aim) — just don’t think too hard about what happens if it fills up. Start working on your squats now — you’ll appreciate the conditioning then next time you spend some quality time hovering over your latrine hole. Your latrine, whether it’s an indoor or outdoor latrine, is almost guaranteed to have something living in it, so you can make some new friends while you’re taking care of business! If you have an indoor latrine, that something is most likely to be roaches. Whatever you do, do NOT spray Raid down your latrine in an attempt to chase out these persistent free-loaders — it will successfully clear them out of your latrine, but they will take it as an invitation to occupy the rest of your house. If that was not, in fact, your original intent in spraying your latrine, then you’ll spend the rest of your evening chasing down the roaches that are making themselves at home in your kitchen, living room, and bedroom. If you’re not careful, they’ll be helping themselves to a cup of tea, hogging the good spots on the couch, and criticising your decorating. This entire situation is entirely hypothetical, of course, but if you were to hypothetically find yourself overrun by roaches who won’t stop commenting on your dusting, then you might find a small bowl that conveniently stops up your latrine hole, fill it with water to give it some weight, and then spray the doorways with some more Raid just for good measure. Hypothetically. 

I hope this has satisfied the curiosity I know you all had had about your options in terms of relieving yourselves in Cameroon. 

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As an update — as you may be able to tell, I’m now officially at post! I’ll be spending the next two years working in Lokoti, in the Adamoua region of Cameroon. I’ve already met some colleagues and other community members, and I’m slowly but surely puling my house together. I’ve been continuing to practice French, but I’m in the process of looking for a Fulfulde tutor, since a significant portion of the population speaks Fulfulde or Baya, the local patois, not French. Lokoti theoretically has electricity, but in the 2 1/2 weeks I’ve been here, I’ve had power for all of one night; so for now, I’ll be stocking up on candles and charging my computer every few weeks in Ngaoundere, or coughing up the 200CFA to charge it up in village via generator. Basically what I’m saying is, I’ll post/email/Skype/Facebook message/other as often as I can, but I can’t make any promises about consistency! And, of course, my address is still posted for those of you who enjoy good old-fashioned snail mail. School begins on September 7th, so coming up soon I’ll have some teaching stories to share with you! Until then — sey yeso! 

Transportation Safety

Good morning, and thank you for traveling with Peace Corps Cameroon. Before we take off, we appreciate you paying attention to the following safety information.

First, if you are travelling by moto: congratulations! Cameroon is one of only two Peace Corps countries that still allows its volunteers to travel by motorbike. But remember to always wear your helmet, or you’ll be sent home immediately with arguably the lamest excuse for getting kicked out of the Peace Corps. Before you get on a moto, make sure you negotiate your destination and the price beforehand; otherwise, plan on spending a solid 5 minutes arguing that it does not, in fact, cost 400CFA to carry two people from the Lycée Bilangue to the training center. Alternatively, they might stop the moto before you get to your destination, and inform you that this is as far as 100CFA will get you. It happens; best not to argue, unless the moto stops because it’s physically broken down. Then you might negotiate. If you’re the only passenger, sit back and relax! You may as well be riding in a limousine. You may be one of 3 people on the moto, or even, theoretically, one of 5 (although we have yet to receive photographic evidence of this). Expect to get up close and personal with other people’s butts. Really up close and personal. You will basically be sitting on other people. Although on a moto you risk falling off, losing personal items, getting into a crash, running over a dog, running into a cow, and in general life and limb, motos are the cheapest, the most convenient, and the most easily accessible method of transportation in Cameroon. Get used to them, because you’ll use them a lot. And over time, you’ll learn to love them. 

If you are travelling by car: well, all right! Travelling by car, or bush taxi, is only the second most uncomfortable way to travel. If you can manage it, try to squeeze into the back seat — believe it or not, it’s more comfortable to fit five people across the back than it is to squish four across the front. Avoid being the petit chauffer, if you can — as much fun as it is to share the driver’s seat, it really isn’t any fun at all. Regardless of where you sit, you’ll get up close and personal with everyone else’s body odours. Please keep all arms, shoulders, and, if you can manage it, heads outside the vehicle, as you’ll be much cooler and you’ll give the other passengers some much needed shoulder room. You can expect your legs to go numb — it’s ok, you won’t need them for a while. Besides, the more numb your butt is, the less you’ll feel the potholes as you drive over them at 100 km/hr! Be prepared to stop and unload if there’s a gendarme who wants to personally greet les blancs. 

If you are travelling by bus: well, it’s better than hitching a ride on a passing peanut truck (though, that can happen). Travelling by bus is the best (read: cheapest) way to make those several-hour trips to your regional capitol, or even across the country. First, make sure you’ve brought a book, or ten. You can expect your 12:00 bus to leave around 1:30 or 2:00, if it hasn’t already left by the time you get there. Once you’re on the bus, pick your seat carefully — if you’re at the window, you have the advantage of fresh air, but with the window open, you’re also the target of all of the derange-y men in the station, and they will ask you if you will date, marry, have sex with, or go back to the United States with them. The middle seat guarantees that you will not be able to feel your butt within the first ten minutes, and you’ll be asked to move every time someone needs to get off the bus to pee, pray, buy food, throw up, or bribe the gendarmes. However, around hour 2 you may be feeling inclined to get up and move about, and don’t worry about not being able to feel your butt; you’re just getting a jump on it, since no matter where you’re sitting, the longer you ride the bus, the more likely it is that you won’t be able to feel any of your extremities by the time you reach your destination. 

If you are travelling by train: congratulations! You’ve hit the jackpot of Cameroonian travel — that is, if you’re willing to pay for it. The train runs from Yaounde, the capitol of Cameroon, to Ngaoundere, the regional capitol of the Adamaoua. Your travel options range from standing room only, to seats, to a compartment complete with bunk beds, air conditioning, and an outlet. It’s an approximately 16 hour train ride, so choose carefully. This is assuming, of course, that the train doesn’t break down or derail, which could up your time to 30-48 hours. This could be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on how many movies you have on your computer and how many snacks you brought with you. On the plus side, you can buy food! On the down side, the food will be one of the more expensive meals you’ll buy in Cameroon. Better to load up at the boulangerie beforehand. 

We’d like to thank you again for travelling with Peace Corps Cameroon. Bon voyage!